A Psalm of Lament
They sky is grey now, it is not as dark as on that fateful day, yet it is harder to bear. Sometimes total darkness bears more hope than a dulling grey because when you are in the deepest pit, the only direction you can go is upward, not downward because you are already at the very bottom.
What is man that you take notice of him? says the psalmist. Who am I who thought he could argue with G-d himself?
I was brazen in my cause, I went up to the chambers of the King daily to petition Him to grant my request. I pleaded with Him, I supplicated Him, I even bargained with Him. But what can man offer in exchange to G-d that He doesn't have already? Can one wager his own life with the One who gives life?
I reasoned with Him. The creation arguing with the Creator. The child with the Father.
What can one do? We do not wield a power over the Almighty. We can ask, ask and ask again. What is there to lose? We can argue, why else would he give us a brain? We can cry, why else would he make us tears?
Yet it all seemed in vain. The sky suddenly became dark, and now it has turned a dull gray with no hope of improvement.
I know the sunlight is there, I know it exists, yet I cannot feel its warmth at this moment.
My food is tasteless, my joy is tamed, my heart is cold.
Before I walked freely into the palace of the King, emboldened by my request, now I stand weak at the gates, waiting to see the splendor of His face, to hear a word of comfort.
I wait for the balm of the one who wounded me. The healing from the one who struck me.
I lift my eyes up to the mountains, from where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth.